My Mind In Words.

For Someone Who Knows Me Better Than I Know Myself.

2010-11-04T07:56:00.000-07:00

I'm sorry for being such a bitch sometimes. I'm sorry for treating you like shit. I'm sorry for hurting you like you've never hurt before. I'm sorry for believing everyone else instead of you. I'm sorry for not being able to give back what you've given me. I'm sorry for calling you a bullshitter, a liar and everything you're not. I'm sorry for not making you happy.

But I'm glad I have you.

Thankyou for being the best person I've ever known. Thankyou for treating me like no one has treated me before. Thankyou for making me smile when I'm down. Thankyou for listening to everything I say even though I know you don't bother knowing about it. Thankyou for giving me the best any friend can give. Thankyou for making me feel like I'm special and perfect even when I know I'm not. And last of all, thankyou for making me wake up everyday knowing that I'll always have a friend I can rely on.

You've been there for me when I haven't been there for you. You've realised the things about me that I haven't realised myself. You've known all of my weaknesses, but you're still able to call me perfect.

Don't for one second think that you don't deserve anyone perfect. Cause one day, somewhere somehow you'll find someone who puts that smile on your face 25/8 just like you've done for a lot of other people. And damn will that girl be lucky ;)

I love you best friend. You were my Scrump, still my Scrump and always will be my Scrump.

Don't ever change asshole.

2010-06-09T06:15:00.000-07:00

Bravery can't be described. Wether it's you being fearless of anything or everything, being a leader and defeating anything on your way, or just someone who everyone is scared of.

But nothing, I repeat nothing defines bravery more than Arpan Palindungan Ade does. None of us may not have spoken to him or known him, but we all feel like we have. The word 'hero' will always remain under his name, for he risked his life to try and save a 13 year old kid. He will for sure rest in peace and is definitely in a better place. He'll always be someone special, someone we'll never forget, and someone who would remain in our hearts forever. You're a legend.

Sei Young Kim, we know you're out there somewhere. Everyone's fingers are crossed for you, hoping that you're safe and sound. Nothing will keep our minds off you xoxo

2010-05-22T09:55:00.000-07:00

Wishlist

Try out all the top 10 scariest thrill rides on the planet.
Go to the Seoul Tower with a lock, write my name and whoever's and throw away the key.
Get lost in a city.
Get kidnapped and taken around Jakarta for one day, seeing every corner of it.
Vegas when I'm legal to do anything I want.
Survive 2012.
Bungee jumping.
Go on a hot air balloon.
Stay at the Poseidon Under Sea Resorts.
Go inside pyramids.
Go around the world in 80 days.
Go to unknown places.
Mr. Right.

London Paris Trip, 2010

2010-05-22T00:05:00.000-07:00

2010-05-21T23:22:00.000-07:00

“Love is the stupidest thing in the world and it doesn’t mean a thing to me. Because tell me; what does love really do for you? It makes your heart pound 100 miles a minute, makes you cry yourself to sleep at night, makes you wait by the phone just to see if he’ll call, makes you spend money on material things to cover up what’s inside so that maybe he’ll notice you. Love is full of maybe’s; it’s never a sure thing. Love can be lost easily as it is found. Love can turn to hate, jealousy, and greed. Emotions are to be felt, acted upon; to be given and received; love isn’t meant for that. It is only said and words mean nothing.”

- poeticheartache

2010-05-21T10:04:00.000-07:00

These past few days have been weird.

Come to think of it, this month has been a stranger to me.

Everyone's changing, everything is. Or maybe it's just me? Whichever's right, I really don't like how things are going. Yeah, I've been sounding like such a pessimist lately. With all those posts about how shit my life seems.

It's not shit. It just seems like it is. I may not have been going through the things anyone else has been through, but for me what I'm going through right now isn't so pleasant. Maybe I'm acting a bit too weird, thinking everyone's not being their usual self. But yeah, I have my opinions and you have yours.

I've realized how many manipulators and fakes I know. You can judge me about how I am, wether I'm a bullshitter or a moaner moaning about my life.

But really, trying to get close to someone just cause you're asking for something? Or trying to put on a miserable face just to ask for everyone's sympathy is simply pa-the-tic. The worst part is, you don't even realize what you're doing and how its affecting everyone around you. But trust me, somewhere out there somehow, someone will realize it for you.

One thing's for sure, it's really hard to trust someone. Or at least know that they'll be there for you no matter what. Don't get me wrong, my friends are awesome and I thank all of you guys for that. But some, just some others? One moment they talk to you, the next they don't even know you exist.

Sometimes, I wish time machines do exist just so that I could go back to those days. Make those good times repeat itself just once. Everything's going too quick and I'm not ready for them to end yet.

Three words: I Hate Changes.

2010-05-13T02:09:00.001-07:00

A guy who doesn’t take me to romantic dinners, but takes me around the city and end up eating in a burger restaurant. Capable of making me laugh my ass off, but can be serious in the right situation. Gives me as much trust as I give him. Someone who texts me everyday, but gives me space when I need it. Although I love it when he cares, he should be someone who doesn’t try to change who I am, cause he knows that’s who he fell for in the first place. Someone to make fun of, someone to throw food at, someone who would try to annoy me so much, but whispers I love you when he stops. He’d let me play on his guitar and mess up everytime he tries to teach me. He’d take me out on a field and lay down under the stars, as we start bullshitting for hours about whatever’s on our mind. Someone who laughs at the dumbest things I say and makes me embarrassed. Someone who’s not afraid to throw come backs at me whenever we’re messing around. He’d carry me when I’m drunk and doesn’t complain whenever I just want to have fun. Who would play tag with me, catches me and spins me around, but drops me and lets me fall. Though he kisses me forehead and says “sorry”. He would get jealous by other guys, but understands that I don’t love anyone else but him. Someone who would have movie marathons and popcorns with me, and take turns on choosing a movie as he enjoys it as much as I do. He’d be there when I’m sick, he’d be there when I’m in tears, he’d be there when I’m just bored and need someone to entertain me with his goofy-ness. Someone who looks everything on the bright side and not just be paranoid at everything. Someone with a sick taste in music, someone who’d rather choose to give his own mixed CDs than roses. Someone cheesy in a funny and different way. When everything ends, he’d be glad he made me that happy and knows what’s best for both of us.

“he’s” too much to ask for.

2010-05-13T01:40:00.001-07:00

I wish you'd realize.

2010-05-10T05:34:00.001-07:00

Honestly, I don’t really know what I’m doing or what I’m asking for. I don’t know what’s going to happen in line for me, nor do I want to know. It’s strange actually, I’m always curious.

Exams are coming up in a week’s time. Wish me luck. I can’t wait to get out of this hellhole. One more year till I can finally start a new life, or at least that’s what I’d like to call it. I love drama, but right now it’s too much for me.

Have you seen movies, where the main character always has their favourite spot to think about things? Or to get away from reality and at least have a chance to fantasize about anything they have in mind? As bizarre as it is, no one would care. No one would tell you to stop daydreaming. You’re in your own little world, nothing matters. Cliché? I know. But it sucks that I can’t find a place like that.

I feel so pressured. Not by a particular someone, but a few. Especially by the two people that I’m supposed to look up to. It seems like everything I do is wrong, home doesn't really seem so sweet after all. I hate feeling this way, it makes it seem like I’m emo or some shit. I loved how things were going at the start of this year, I even thought this could turn out to be a kick ass year. But come to think of it, I’m wrong. I always am. But then again, things can change in a snap of a finger.

There’s always one question that comes up to my mind. Why does it seem like I have everything I ask for, but I’m still not happy? Maybe I’m not the only one, but I wish I wasn’t one of them.

Let’s be honest again shall we?

I smile because it fools people.

A Great Start To A New Decade.

2010-02-02T07:50:00.000-08:00

It all seems like a blur. Every second of it.

I can't believe a great deal of things happened in just one week.

I did something stupid.

We almost ended things.

Got in a huge argument with my parents.

Was told to break up.

I ran away.

Weird thing is, none of that seemed to have happened.

Maybe I'm just ignorant. Or maybe it was too much of a stupid thing to do, that I don't even remember doing it.

Whichever it is, it was by far the most craziest decision I've made. I must admit, it was a foolish thing to do. Not only one person went through trouble for me, but a few.

The problem is, I run away from my mistakes. I give up easily. That's a thing I have to work on as long as I do get to live.

I was scared, confused. It all happened too quick and I needed time to think and forget about a few things. So I thought, maybe this IS the only solution. Running away. I thought, that way, my parents would realize what they've done and who they've done it too. Maybe after this they would stop, so no one else would go through the same thing my sister and I did. But then again, maybe this is just the beginning? Like a warm up for something bigger, level one on the trouble-o-meter.

It started out from a phone call that I made. Asked around for help and finally found someone who understands me. They picked me up, I packed my bags, left a letter and there I was. Free, out there on the road. I was shaking, nervous but thrilled about what would happen.

To be honest, I didn't really know where I would be sleeping. I didn't really think about it. I was selfish actually, only thinking about what makes me feel good. Before I ran away? I didn't even think about how people would react to this. Not even my boyfriend.

I kept it a secret, I didn't want anyone knowing and everyone helping me hide. They would end up having to lie about everything. So I thought, that was wrong. Maybe I should just let myself and the ones I was with know. That way, no one else would have to worry about covering for me.

Guess what? I was wrong. Another wrong decision.

I made everyone worried, especially him.

Finally, I found a safe place to stay in. But overnight people didn't give up looking for me. I felt guilty, not even telling the ones I am closest to. I kept thinking it was for the best, maybe just a few more days.

Everything was under control. No one knew where I was or who I was with. Well woops, wrong thought. Eventually, everyone found out. Now everyone was forced to tell the truth.

So there I was, sitting at a doughnut cafe with my boyfriend, confused about what to do next. Too much things was going through my mind.

Him

My parents

My friends

My sister

My future

Urgh, my mind could just blow up any second.

But he made me think, maybe it is time to go home. Maybe a day is enough to prove my parents wrong. But we knew that after this, we would probably never see each other again. Sounds like a cheesy love story, yes I know. But you don't know how it feels like when you're in the moment.

It was so hard to hold my tears, I didn't want him to let go of me. It was the longest yet shortest taxi ride I've experienced.

Now look what happened, I love a twisted happy ending.

What I did? Regret it, but glad I did it.

Ps: Thankyou for everyone that has helped me gone through this, I love you guys and I can't thankyou enough. I'm sorry for everything.

It's Still The Same.

2010-01-14T07:27:00.000-08:00

Being fifteen feels the same like any other age. The only difference? Is just growing another wrinkle each day and getting closer to being old and grumpy.

But you know what? Life couldn't get any better than this. One more year till sweet sixteen comes, but I still consider myself as ten years ago. Five.

I still get to jump on my bed, still go on slides and feel the adrenaline rush and who's too old for dolls? I still sleep with them. But nothing completes my age without my friends, him and my family. I love you guys.

I know it's late, but thanks for the birthday wishes ♥

2009-12-31T19:37:00.000-08:00

2010

New year.

New life.

New beginning.

Everything seems so quick huh? Seems like just yesterday, it was still 2009. Well yesterday was actually 2009, the last day hour minute and second of it. Me? I can't wait for my new mistakes. All those drama and shit happening all year round. I made a list, a list of what I'm gonna achieve this year. But you know what? I'm gonna chill and see what happens. At the end of the year, I'll tick off which ones do.

12 months more till another year awaits.

Make this a kick ass year, don't waste a single minute of it.

Let's Share A Sad Story.

2009-11-05T04:34:00.001-08:00

One night a guy and girl were driving home from the movies. The boy sensed there was something wrong because of the painful silence they shared between them that night. The girl then asked the boy to pull over because she wanted to talk. She told him that her feelings had changed and that it was time to move on.
A silent tear slid down his cheek as he slowly reached into his pocket and passed her a folded note. At that moment, a drunk driver was speeding down that very same street. He swerved right into the drivers seat, killing the boy.
Miraculously, the girl survived. Remembering the note, she pulled it out and read it.
"Without your love, I would die."

Who cares if it's true or not.

Just one question, if I ask you would you answer?

How much do you believe in love?

Maybe I'm just a girl who talks about this too much, but I'll keep going till I understand it.

Forever.

2009-11-05T03:20:00.000-08:00

Since Vannya Istarinda posted something like this, and I almost cried reading it. I'm also gonna do an attempt to make this post for you guys.

There's always those people in your life who comes and goes. As close as you are with them, it always ends with small things which leads up to big fights. We've been going through a lot of that, but it won't stop us. Lost one person, not planning on losing another one.

24th of September is when it all started, we've been this close ever since. There have been some ups and downs. But hey, life is like a roller coaster right? And so is friendship, nothing wrong with that.

There has been those crazy times,

sad,

memorable,

unforgettable,

no matter what happens. Wether guys, problems, drama and all that shit gets in the way, you guys would still remain my number one.

What if,

You ran away from home? Then I'll help you pack your bags, and take you to my place.

Someone broke your heart? Then I'll comfort you, even if it means I'd have to leave everything else behind.

You just wanted someone to listen to what you say? Then I'll stay on the phone with you, even if it takes up to 24 hours.

You're missing someone? Then I'll give you a long hug, and tell you they're missing you back.

You were crying? Then I'll have tears too, but try as hard to wipe off yours.

You just needed someone beside you? Then I'll take a cab, and be there in 15 minutes.

You want to have fun? Then I'll take you out, we'll drink some shots, and get fucked up.

You were confused? Then tell me, I'll find a way for you to figure it out.

Name it. I'll be there sweety.

I love you,

for Nadine Kaiser and Sophia Hertzke, I miss you guys and you have no idea how much I do.

2009-11-03T07:31:00.000-08:00

"Whoever wishes to keep a secret must hide the fact that he/she possesses one"

Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe (1749-1832) German poet, novelist and dramatist.

There are two kinds of secrets;

Those we keep from others and the ones we hide from ourselves.

Have you tried both?

Maybe I've hid more secrets from myself more than I've hid them from others. It's called not wanting to know the truth. And yes, I've had those moments.

The truth hurts, especially when it's too late to find out. But running away from it won't make it better one bit. I've known people who lies, I know I do myself. Maybe sometimes it's better not knowing than knowing something's wrong. It's tempting yes, just not the way it should be.

Like they say, the truth will always reveal itself even if it takes time. Secrets are meant to be kept silent, but there's always a point where it should break out.

I admit, I've tried running away from the truth more than I've counted. I think it's time to realize that there's nothing wrong with hearing the 'bad news'. Instead it can give us a sense, another way of seeing things, and most importantly we can take a lesson from it.

You'll find out, somehow.

I Want It Back.

2009-10-19T10:49:00.000-07:00

Have you ever lost someone's trust? Someone who you think is the most important person in your life? Just anyone. I have, to the last person I should be losing it to.
She would always trust me when I was small, and it felt good. I felt like the all time goody-two-shoe. Pathetic I know, but hey honestly I sort of miss being one. I have totally forgotten how it all started, but I became more out of control until it reached to a point where my mom said I've lost it. It seems like just a second ago she would think that I could never lie to her, but now there's no going back to those days.
Yeah, it hurts hearing those words straight from your own mother. But I don't blame her, I blame myself. I admit, I have been doing the dumbest things in just a matter of three years. And now come to think of it, I think it hurts even more to be her. After all those years she's trusted me with, I lost it in a second just cause I wanted to fit in. As much as I want to, I can't stop now. Its gotten me a little bit carried away.
I hate her, most of the time. Everytime I try to earn that trust back, it seems like she won't let me. Now all that's left is just arguments and non-stop fights. In the end we say sorry, but it goes back to the beginning and the same thing repeats itself. The hardest part? Is seeng her cry and hear her telling me how much I've hurt her.
I just wish I could take it all back, everything I've done to her. She doesn't deserve it, I know. She deserves so much better. I get it now, why she's been treating me like sh*t. To make me realize how hard it is to earn someone's trust back, especially someone you'd sacrifice yourself for. Which I know she would do.
I'm sorry mom, I love you.

2009-10-15T08:38:00.000-07:00

"Lovers love, liars lie"

It's as simple as that. So why should you try to hide it when everyone knows? See, a small lie can end up turning into a big one. Once you're caught in it, there's no going back. But hey, I admit. I do lie sometimes, who doesn't? It just depends on what situation you use the term 'lie' in. So you wouldn't get caught by your parents? Normal. So you would get away with forgetting to do your homework? Pfft no questions about that. So you can play two people at once, or even more? Then wow, you're fucked.
I don't blame you for anything. Just the fact that you're wasting someone's time, when I'm sure it can be given to someone else who really deserves it. Those words you say can really put a charm on someone, more like a spell actually.
'She/he's rich' or 'She/he's hot' or 'Wow everyone will be jealous'. Does that sound familiar? To me, it really does. Trust me, when you say something like that in a relationship with someone then you should take a look at what 'relationships' mean in the dictionary. Not saying that you have no idea what love is, cause hey even I don't. But what I'm saying is, everything shouldn't always be about what's on the outside. It's the inside that counts way more.
If you know someone who's the opposite of that, then you're lucky. If you belong to someone who's the opposite of that, then you're really lucky. But if you know for sure you're the opposite of that, then you're by far the luckiest and I envy you, cause even I dont know for sure myself. So I'll let you judge me, just this once.

Lovers? Keep loving.

2009-10-13T03:06:00.001-07:00

Okay, so I'm bored.

Enough said.

2009-10-13T01:02:00.000-07:00

Who doesn't want it?

A Sum Up.

2009-10-12T22:26:00.000-07:00

I've been trying to think of a new post for two days, but I still have no idea what to write about. This is just some post about my thoughts over those past two days.
So it's been more than two months now since I found out about everything. As much as it seems like it hasn't been hard for me for those who doesn't read my blog and to 'him', to be honest? It has been. Especially the fact that he still won't stop going on about it, which makes everything even harder than it has been. One thing you should know, if you know you're wrong then don't go around pretending that you have nothing to do with it and start blaming other people for your own actions. Don't ever ask for sympathy, incase you haven't realized no one would care. I know this is harsh, but if you're one of those people then you should learn to grow up. As hard as you try to win someone back, that's not the way to do it.
But I have realized one thing, or two.
One? That none of the above is worth worrying. Maybe I have been wasting those two months thinking about it, but I'm glad I have friends who's been there for me. It's over, and I know for sure he's wrong. Then why should I be all depressed about it right? Yes I know I'm a hypocrite, cause I did show all my emotions in my previous posts. But I promised myself not to delete them, just so that I could take a look back at those days. I did delete one post though, there was a reason for it.
Two? That there could be someone way better, by miles. He's that one person that could really make you feel like you're the luckiest girl living. But if he doesn't feel the same way, then I'm lucky enough to know someone like him. I shouldn't be falling for someone this fast, but in this case I guess I'm a loser at that game.
It's funny how a lot of things can really change or happen in just two days, but I'm glad it did.
Oh by the way, NADDY'S HERE! She said she wanted to 'surprise' us, well she did. I thought I was dreaming yesterday when she suddenly appeared in school, I swear I tried pinching myself a few times ha ha. But too bad she's leaving this Friday, I'm gonna miss her :(

2009-10-11T07:28:00.000-07:00

"Love Drunk"

The top down in the summer sun
The day we met was like a hit an run
An I still taste it on my tongue
The sky was burning up like fireworks
You made me want you oh so bad it hurt
But boy, in case you haven’t heard

I used to be love drunk
But now I’m hungover
I’ll love you forever
Forever is over
So don’t call me crying
Say hello to goodbye
Cause Just one thing would make me say
I used to be love drunk
But now I’m hungover
Ill love you forever
But now it’s over

All the time I wasted on you
All the bullshit you put me through
Checking into rehab is everything that we had
Didn’t mean a thing to you.

- Love Drunk, Boys Like Girls

2009-10-09T04:34:00.000-07:00

"People are like a Rubik's cube. Easy to mess up, but hard to fix." Adella Bahar

Long Distance.

2009-10-09T04:24:00.001-07:00

One thing I know about long distance? It sucks.
Well not exactly. Hmm actually, no its not. Long distance can really make you realize how much you love someone. No matter how far they are, or how hard it is to talk to them because of the time difference, it would always make you realize how much you miss them every second of every minute of every hour of every day. It is hard, but not for those who are really devoted to one another. Instead, they can cope with every situation no matter how difficult it can get. Don't forget, distance doesn't matter. It's really about how much you love the person, and what matters most is your honesty and trust for that relationship to work out.
But what if, in the end it ends just like that?
Then go back a few pages and ask yourself,

were you really in love?

2009-10-07T07:26:00.000-07:00

I ' m j u s t s i c k o f p e o p l e t a l k i n g crap t o m e , e s p e c i a l l y you.

Learnt A Lesson.

2009-10-06T06:01:00.000-07:00

I remember the first time I got drunk, and with who. But I won't mention names cos I know it'll make conflicts.
It was last year over the summer holidays, when he just got expelled and he was visiting Jakarta. They called me all of a sudden and asked if I could go hang out with them, so what the heck I said yes. I missed hanging out with them anyways, and he hardly comes to Jakarta. It was either a saturday or a friday, two days left till school started. I asked them who else was coming, and they said a bunch of people so I assumed it was going to be something big.
They picked me up around seven and we went to Senayan City since I had no idea what was going to happen, I just went with the flow. It was normal at first. We sat, talked, you know the usual stuff.
Then, they took me to Soho and started ordering drinks. But I knew I had to stay sober so I refused a bunch of times and plus, I haven't eaten at all that day. Since I didn't have a ride home, one of them said that they won't take me home and that I would have to use the taxi. But fuck no, it was late, I was 13 and I was the only girl. So eventually, I took a shot. At first I thought it was disgusting, but somehow I wanted one more. So I did, at least one more. And since I haven't eaten at all, it was easy for me to get dizzy just after two shots. But at that point, I totally forgot but screw it. I was more than tipsy but still less than drunk. After that I didn't remember a thing.
A week later people started asking me if I was okay that week, and I realized that I got on my msn and started swearing randomly at people. Two people called me, and they said I was shouting. There was also a time when I called three of my friends while I was in the car with the guys, screaming and shouting. I had no idea why I did that. But I tried to pretend that nothing happened.
Not long after that, he called and told me everything. He even confessed that he was going to... I won't go into that, but thank God it didn't happen. He said he thought about it and realized that if he'd done that and I found out it would ruin our friendship. I know how hard it is to tell the truth, so thanks for eventually telling me :)
Think twice before you drink, don't just do it because you're pressured. Make sure you're with the people you trust and it's what you want.

37.

2009-10-06T03:54:00.000-07:00

First, you added me.
Second, we got talking.
Third, we started calling.
Fourth, we got close.
Fifth, you asked if you could be my brother.
Sixth, I said yes.
Seventh, you started pretending that you cared.
Eighth, you tried to make me cheat on him.
Ninth, you didn't like her anymore.
Tenth, I tried to ignore you.
Eleventh, you wouldn't stop.
Twelfth, I got sick of him for using me.
Thirteenth, you said I Love You.
Fourteenth, I said it back.
Fifteenth, you did everything you could to make me happy.
Sixteenth, I fell for it.
Seventeenth, I felt like no one else could make me happier.
Eighteenth, I started hearing things.
Nineteenth, I tried to ignore them.
Twentieth, more kept coming.
Twenty first, I talked about it with you.
Twenty second, you said all these bull.
Twenty third, I wasn't convinced.
Twenty fourth, I ended it.
Twenty fifth, you tried to get me back.
Twenty sixth, I couldn't.
Twenty seventh, turns out you were worst than anyone else I knew.
Twenty eighth, you blamed and bothered my friends.
Twenty ninth, you told your ex that you cheated on to bust me.
Thirtieth, I wanted to straight things out.
Thirty first, you said no.
Thirty second, you called me a bitch.
Thirty third, I ignored you.
Thirty fourth, two months later you sent me a message saying I miss you.
Thirty fifth, grow up.
Thirty sixth, fuck you.
Thirty seventh, get a life.

Open It.

2009-10-05T08:47:00.001-07:00

Guys, my sister told me about this site that people go to and send in their deepest darkest secret. A site totally filled with confessions from random people, you should check it out. Some are deep, real deep. It gets updated once in a while. You can even put yours in if you want, I haven't tried it myself though.

http://postsecret.blogspot.com/

Ages Ago.

2009-10-05T06:53:00.000-07:00

So I was looking through people's blogs just around 10 minutes ago and I found something that these two people wrote. I know its been ages since I've had my appendix operation but hey, better late then never right? So I just wanna thank you guys so much for posting this up on your blogs, but more importantly thanks for going all the way to the other end of Jakarta just to visit me. You guys cheered me up so much. I love you you you, aaaall of you. Oh I just forgot, thank you so much Victor for trying so hard to find the hospital just right when you landed here from Surabaya. I love you too :)

Here's the post on Vannya Istarinda's blog,

Thank you so much V, I love you♥

And here's the post on Dika's blog,

It's hilarious, I swear. There's more to it though if I put it on, this post would fill up the whole page. So just check out his blog, don't forget to follow him!

Thanks guys, thank you so much. I owe all of you.

For Someone Who Needs This The Most.

2009-10-04T06:50:00.000-07:00

Hey, if you're reading this then you probably know who you are.
Sweety, I know you too well. And you can't hide anything away from me, even if you try to in every way you could. I know we haven't been friends ever since we were still in baby diapers, but dude we've been on the phone for almost eight hours a bunch of times. And I miss them, now that there's not really time for that. But I try as hard as I can to make the time. You're just different. I can talk to you, about EVERYTHING. Trust me, as easy it is for me to hide things from people. I can't do the same to you. And I know you can't do the same for me too. I know that face beb, that different tone you do whenever there's something wrong. Maybe you think it's hard for other people to notice, but not for me.
And no, don't think that everything's falling apart. Please don't. Cos it's not, and I know for sure. I miss her too sayang, soooo much. The way she kept us all together and those ubber crazy times we've had with her. But hey, with her it's not goodbye yet right? She's coming back, don't worry.
Any guy would kill to be yours, and I'm not saying this for the sake of you being my closest friend and the one who understands me the most. I'm saying this cos I know that no one can deny it. Don't think that he hates you for what you did, I can tell sweety, that deep down he still has those butterflies around you. And what he did over the summer, that was just something he thought of to try to forget about you. And no, don't think of it as a bad thing. He's just trying to move on as much as you're trying too, but in his own way. I know you miss him, I know you still love him, cos I would too and I totally understand. We have something very much in common, it's hard to give up on that one guy. But we have to move on sayang, I know how hard it is cos I'm trying my best to do too. I know that you deserve so much better. There's someone else too, isn't there? Your first. The first guy who gave you those butterflies in your stomach, the one who stayed on the phone with you until you fell asleep, the one you couldn't resist even though he's done too much shit to you, the one who made you cried so much that day and how I hoped you would stop. I tried so hard to defend you, but I'm sorry if it wasn't enough. He's that guy that you would always compare to everyone else, and it's hard not to. But you're strong beb, and you don't know how lucky you are to be that way.
I miss my sister too, and I would to anything right now to make her come back. Thanks for being there for me when I cried in the middle of the night, you cheered me up so much :) Please call me if the same thing happens. But as much as I worry about it, this is something that we both shouldn't be sad about. At least now we know that those days when we used to wish they were gone wasn't really our true feelings. That now we know deep down we love them as much. They're coming back, and when they do we can give them a cuddly hug and tell them how much we miss and love them :)
You know how much I care about you right? And if anything happens, I would try to be there for you even if it means I'd have to lose that guy for you. I would. Don't be scared sayang, he'll be fine. And no you're not moving back to spain because of it. If both of them goes to Spain, you have us back here in Jakarta and you can stay at my place as long as you want. Don't be hasty, think of it as your own home. Don't just hope that he'll be fine, but he will beb I know he will. In the meantime, just pray ya and wait for him to come back healthy :)

So wipe those tears off your face cos I hate hearing you cry, you don't know how much I tried to ignore you on the last day of school when you did. Nothing's falling apart sayang, it's getting its pieces back together. Can't wait for christmas! I Love You.

Goodbyes.

2009-10-04T06:39:00.000-07:00

C'mon, you can't deny how hard it is to say goodbye can you?
When everything's just the way you want it to be, haven't you ever wondered when it would end? Just the thought scares me, and you can't imagine how it would be when it comes. Sometimes I try not to, but you just can't get it off your thoughts. It's the one question that I'd love to hear the answer for, where is the 'good' in goodbye? Ha ha. Pretty hard to answer huh?
Well I've tried to see it in a different perspective. Lets put it this way, every goodbye makes the next hello closer, right?
Don't cry because it's over, go and put that smile on your face because it happened. But even if you do, make sure it's tears of happiness. And hey don't forget, it's the end of something simple and the beginning of everything else.

2009-06-15T10:39:00.000-07:00

free hugs?

xoxo, you know who

What I'm really saying,

2009-06-08T07:13:00.000-07:00

When you say I'm beautiful I say "yeah right,"
but what im really saying is "do you really think so?"
When you say good job i say "thanks"
but what Im really saying is "I love that you notice."
When you say we'll be together forever I say "I hope so"
but what im really saying is "I hope forever never ends."
When you say I love you I say "I love you too"
but what Im really saying is "never stop saying that."
When you say that I dont care I say "yes I do"
but what Im really saying is
"I care for you more than you'll ever know."

Let's just say that... You don't know me.

Perfect.

2009-06-04T11:15:00.000-07:00

Swearing, weed, lies, bull, ditching, cheating, ignoring, drinking, smoking, sex, controlling, accusing, blaming, denying, forcing, anything a bad guy can do. But at the end of the day he says 'Sorry, I Love You'. The world just freezes and you feel like the luckiest girl on earth.

Is that what you call a perfect guy?

patriciaheriyantho.

2009-06-04T07:25:00.000-07:00

Whereeeeeee do I start, she's always been there for me whenever I need someone. Always there whenever I need a hug, my other half, my hubby♥ gosh there's too much to say. THIS POST IS ESPECIALLY FOR HER, I LOVE HER SO MUCHOOOOOOOOOOOO AND SHE'S MINE MINE MINE!

Want proof?

Ten things I hate about you.

2009-06-02T08:20:00.000-07:00

I hate the fact that you lied

The reason why you dumped me

The bullshit I had to go through when I was with you

Those days when I felt like the happiest girl in the world

The things you do to make me laugh

The way you argue

The way you say, I love you

The way you make me feel

The way you made me realized what I've lost

But most of all, the fact that I still can't let you go.

The good old days.

2009-05-24T03:24:00.001-07:00

Why can't we go back to the old days? When problems didn't even exist. When you'll know for sure that nothing bad can happen to you. When friends mattered more than boys. When everyone seemed so close. When I wished I was one of those girls in the magazine. When those curious thoughts came up, wondering how it would be like to kiss someone's lips. I just miss them, I would trade anything for it. Besides, it would make everything so much better. Right?

Yeah, let's not forget it.

2009-05-24T01:54:00.000-07:00

I've just realised,

The hardest part of holding on is letting go.

Starting A New Life.

2009-05-24T01:01:00.000-07:00

So I haven't been doing any posting for ages, and I've decided to re-make my blog. I was reading it the other day and it seemed so stupid. Especially the post about scrump. You know what they say, 'Nothing good lasts forever'. Well now I know what they mean. But I don't get how some people can say 'I Love You' so easily, just like word vomit. It's funny actually, how I Love You and I Hate You is exactly eight letters and three words.
I've always talked about how trusting someone can be so hard, but you can call me a hypocrite and I would give you credits for saying that. And yes, I do feel stupid. Stupid for falling for him, stupid for coping with it, stupid for pretending that it wasn't true.

At this point for me, love means hate, I miss you sounds like bull, and forever defines two seconds.