I Want It Back.

Have you ever lost someone's trust? Someone who you think is the most important person in your life? Just anyone. I have, to the last person I should be losing it to.
She would always trust me when I was small, and it felt good. I felt like the all time goody-two-shoe. Pathetic I know, but hey honestly I sort of miss being one. I have totally forgotten how it all started, but I became more out of control until it reached to a point where my mom said I've lost it. It seems like just a second ago she would think that I could never lie to her, but now there's no going back to those days.
Yeah, it hurts hearing those words straight from your own mother. But I don't blame her, I blame myself. I admit, I have been doing the dumbest things in just a matter of three years. And now come to think of it, I think it hurts even more to be her. After all those years she's trusted me with, I lost it in a second just cause I wanted to fit in. As much as I want to, I can't stop now. Its gotten me a little bit carried away.
I hate her, most of the time. Everytime I try to earn that trust back, it seems like she won't let me. Now all that's left is just arguments and non-stop fights. In the end we say sorry, but it goes back to the beginning and the same thing repeats itself. The hardest part? Is seeng her cry and hear her telling me how much I've hurt her.
I just wish I could take it all back, everything I've done to her. She doesn't deserve it, I know. She deserves so much better. I get it now, why she's been treating me like sh*t. To make me realize how hard it is to earn someone's trust back, especially someone you'd sacrifice yourself for. Which I know she would do.
I'm sorry mom, I love you.